PSALM 143 - Brake Lights in the Fog

For Your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In Your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble! And in Your steadfast love You will cut off my enemies, and You will destroy all the adversaries of my soul, for I am Your servant.   (Verses 11-12)

It used to be my daily routine to get up at 5 A.M. and go for an early morning run before I came back home to get the kids ready for school and myself ready for work. I loved the forty minutes or so it took to run four miles up and down the quiet streets of my town. It was my prayer time. Getting my day in order with my Father. But, it was usually dark. Vanessa would sometimes join me for these runs. Some of our best conversations about God and life took place while we sweated in the dew of morning. On such a morning, I met the enemy face to face.

Vanessa had a zero period and couldn't run the full four miles with me. There is an easy two mile turnaround, so I said good-bye as she headed back home and I went on. It was October and the nights were cooling down in the desert where we lived. This often made it foggy in the mornings. On this morning, fog was so dense I couldn't see across the four lane city street beside which I jogged on the sidewalk. I was about a mile from home when a car pulled up beside me and a man asked me for directions. It was clear that wasn't what he wanted. I didn't say anything but kept on running. Up in front of me I could see his brake lights shining in the fog, making two hazy circles near the curb. "Oh, Jesus, help me!" I had to think fast.  Do I run across four lanes where there might be traffic that doesn't see me, or do I run past the guy and hope he doesn't grab me? I opted to run across the street. The man heard my footfall and ran after me. He was fat and slow, thank God, so I outran him.

My next problem was that I needed to be on the other side of the street in order to get back into my neighborhood. I didn't know when it would be safe to cross back over. As I neared the intersection, I could see the man standing by his car, waiting for me. I was already on my side of the street ready to turn right when I noticed him under the streetlight. He made a move toward me. With all my might I screamed, "In the name of Jesus Christ, you cannot touch me. In the name of Jesus Christ, you leave me alone!" The man stopped in his tracks, and I ran past, breaking my own speed records, I'm sure.

When I got home, Vanessa hadn't showered yet. She thought she might go find me. "Mom, are you all right? I had a weird feeling about your being out there by yourself." I was so glad she was safe. My pounding heart took a while to calm down. Bill and I couldn't find the guy's car and the police wondered why I didn't get a license plate number. I was very glad to be alive.

I was in trouble. My enemy right before my eyes. In the terrifying moment the most important thing I remembered is: I am a child of God. There are things God has said He will do for me because of that. Jesus has promised to keep us from the evil one (John 14). The adversary of our souls. Jesus has given us the same authority He has over Satan. "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). I want to wrap the knowledge that I live in the bubble of God's protection around me like a blanket today and take comfort in the fact that there are things God will do in my life simply because I belong to Him.

 

PSALM 143 - No Idols in the Throne Room

Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to You for refuge! Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God! Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground!  (Verses 9-10)

How does God teach me to do His will?

Although addiction doesn't have eyes, ears, nose and mouth, it is nonetheless a real enemy with which we must reckon. Over the years I've seen addictions devastate lives, ruin homes and cripple destinies. For Christians as well as those who don't believe. This is on my mind this morning because there is someone in our lives right now dealing with the repercussions of addiction in his life. The idol he's chosen isn't important. What does matter is how he chooses to move forward in escaping the addiction that has cost him everything.

Frank (not his real name) is an older gentleman whose various addictions in the past have caused him to lose the love and support of his family, who live many states away from him. Alone in his later years, he's now dependent on something that's kept him imprisoned for almost ten years. The ramifications of this dependency now almost outweigh the need for the addiction. More pain from the addiction than relief from indulging it. The rub is this, as with all addictions: He still can't seem to adequately give it up. Frank knows in his head that what he reaches for is wrong on every level, that it's indeed an idol, but he doesn't know if he can exist without it. Several counselors have tried to work him through. Are still working him through. But Frank wants to find his refuge in God. What is step one?

I'm not a counselor. I am a Christian who has fought through her own addictions. Battled with others through theirs. And the one thing I'm sure has to happen first is that we run to God. Beg for His help like a beggar begs for bread. This means, also, that we run from our idol. We can't take it with us into the throne room of God and ask Him to let us keep just a little of it. Our whole hearts must want refuge in God. We must learn to hate the idol as much as God does and run! Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry! (I Corinthians 10:14)--Paul's admonition. Frank can't have his addiction and His God at the same time. He will serve one or the other.

What is step two? Let God teach you how to get back on level ground. If we have gone a long way out, it might be a long way back. The more entrenched we are in our idols, the more diligently we must choose to take an intentional path out. Celebrate Recovery or AA. Lying on our faces before the Wonderful Counselor learning how to get out of hell. God earnestly wants us to be free. We won't be until His grace meets our need. Frank must check his heart in at the door. Frank must think and not just feel. That is the hardest thing in the world for those trapped by the enemy of our souls. Our feelings likely got us into addiction in the first place. Pain, usually. And pain has a very loud voice. God is the refuge for our pain. Satan takes pain and doubles, triples, quadruples it in his effort to completely obliterate us.

Step three? Frank must hear the Word of God. It is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to Whom we must give an account (Hebrews 4). It must be his necessary food. Frank may have to have it intravenously first because he is very sick. The enemy will sit on Frank's Bible and insist he not turn a page. Eventually, with the help of those who still love the man, he will be able to see the enemy sitting there and he'll have the strength to say, "Get off my territory!" In the beginning, though, someone might have to help Frank eat.

Step four is to do the thing. There must be something in us that empowers us to get all we know to do, done. "The Helper, the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." Jesus (John 14) If we ever want to get to level ground again, the Spirit of God must give us grace and strength to do it. We can know how to get out of the pit, but if we don't make an effort to climb the slimy walls and be free, we will sit there whining about our predicament forever, covered in the slime of our own procrastination. There is a way out. God promised. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to all men. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (I Corinthians 10). You can't just look at the exit door and wish you could walk through. Frank must do what the Spirit tells him to.

Sounds like a whole lotta work, doesn't it? It is. And the person who is addicted is accustomed to taking the easy way out. Only the easy way for Frank has now left him with a long, hard road back to level. I know in my own journey, God at first can be only a little bit more important than the idol. If Frank loves God a scintilla more than he loves his idol, God will be there to create a larger gap the longer Frank is willing to leave his heart in God's hands.

How does God teach me to do His will? One day at a time, one step at a time until I'm strong enough to walk instead of crawl.

PSALM 143 - Dream Trips

Answer me quickly, Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not Your face from me lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.  (Verses 7-8)

Ever feel like you're driving without a map? That essentially God has told you to get in the car and head out without telling you the destination? It's like that, isn't, sometimes. Maybe always, for that matter. If we commit our lives to a prescient, preeminent, omniscient God, we are probably not going to know all there is to know about our journey with Him through life. On occasion, we can look in the rearview mirror and see where we've been. Rejoice over the miles covered or over the fact we left that particular place behind. I've had inklings of the direction I'm going in, but often I'm wrong and the next stop is a complete surprise. There have been fender-benders and train wrecks along my way, often the result of my stopping at the nearest gas station and asking for directions. In real life a good idea, maybe, but not in my spiritual walk. Only One has the map. He's the One I must trust to get me where He wants me to go.

I think that's why the "Answer me quickly!" prayer is such a stresser. We are at a crossroads or a stop sign and we fumble with "Which way now?" If we sit there long enough, we get terribly frustrated. Feel forgotten as we see others pass by to the right or left with their destinations in tact. Or we notice the freight train coming down the tracks we're sitting on. Cry out, "Do You see this, Lord!" And that is at the root of the journey for us. Is God with us? Because if He isn't, we are like the rest of the world from whom His face is hidden. They've mapped out their own courses and don't want His help, so they whiz past us on the road to ultimate destruction while we sit in PARK waiting for the next turn in the road.

This is nothing new with the Lord. Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt into the desert without a map. He wanted to lead them day by day. Provide for them in ways they couldn't have imagined. Remember, manna means "what is it?" Food they'd never seen. Moses struck a rock in the desert with his stick and out gushed enough water for over a million people. Rocks don't typically contain that kind of water. Even before Moses, God told Abram and Sarai, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you." Abram was seventy-five years old when he and his wife packed up in faith on that simple word. They had no idea where God was taking them, only that He'd promised to bless them and make a great nation from their offspring (which was nonexistent at that moment). Jesus met some men fishing one day and said, "Come with me and I will make you fishers of men." Something about the way He said it, something about the calling in their hearts or the look in the eyes of the Son of Man...something whispered, "This is your journey." There is no real wandering around when God calls us to ride along with Him. He has a dream trip for us, One He's planned since before He threw out the stars and pushed up the mountains. And He's willing to let us know the way a step at a time.

Let's say God gave us the map of our whole lives when we were born. Handed it to our mother and father. "Here's what Kay is going to do." The possibilities are preposterously large that not only my parents, but I, would shortcut it, change it up because, heck, I don't want to go there! We'd be so discouraged by the stops and starts, the detours and wrecks, we might just decide to not get into the car. So we must trust the Destination Planner loves us. Has designed the journey and is faithful to get us to the end of it. There are days, like this one for David, the psalmist, when we need to know God loves us in order to step out in faith toward what He wants for our lives or sit and wait for what's next. Every morning it's our privilege to ask for directions before we take one step into our destinies. To trust that we are precious even when we are waiting for what seems an eternity at a red light. To heed the caution light. To go when it is green. For Abram and Sarai, for Moses and the Jewish nation, for the disciples and for us, our walking step by step is an act of faith, a test of it, too. In my acknowledgment that I will go where He wants me to go and do what He wants me to do, I also acknowledge His steadfast love. Oh, God is planting His foot into my next step so that I can put my tiny one right there in His footprint. I'm sure of this! The journey has taken me into unexpected territory thus far. Lord, lead me on!

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.   Isaiah 30

PSALM 143 - Scary Times

I remember the days of old. I meditate on all that You have done. I ponder the work of Your hands. I stretch out my hands to You. My soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
(Verses 5-6)   Italics, mine

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, Who forgives all your iniquity, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, Who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. 
Psalm 103   Italics, mine

Remembering is a choice. Sometimes, a hard choice. It's easier to sit in the darkness of our circumstances and opine about all that is wrong, how we got there or that we'll never get out. And many of us have been in circumstances so depressing and hard that all we see is black. The enemy wants to take that pain and use it to obscure hope. Listening to the voice screaming at us in the dark that we are doomed and no one cares could become a 24-7 symphony of senselessness. A trick or treat served up by the devil himself to frighten us into submission. If we don't intentionally remember how loved we are by God, how God has retrieved us from the pit time and again, and that God is mightier than the enemy or our circumstances, we might just sit in the darkness for a long time.

Nancy's husband left her after a little over a year of marriage. He wasn't sure about whether he still wanted to be married. Was rather infatuated with a woman at work. Just didn't want to live with his new wife right then. Nancy adored her man. Grieved and grieved the loss. Found a little apartment. A good job and dragged her aching heart forward. What she didn't do was sit in the dark and vanish. In her heart she knew her husband would return. She knew her God works miracles. The answer wasn't instant. It took years before her husband came back wanting her again. If Nancy had weighed her circumstances in those years against the possibility her marriage would be renewed, she would have caved to despair. She chose instead to say, "I know God will answer this prayer." Her eyes looked up. Not out, at what was happening. They are still married many, many years later.

Cathette was my dearest friend. She discovered, at age 34, that she had breast cancer. On the same day I discovered I was pregnant with my son. I remember tiptoeing into her hospital room minutes after the surgeon told her he'd need to remove her breast. She'd married late--the year before. Always wanted children of her own. Chemotherapy would make that a long shot. My friend lay there with her long dark curls decorating the pillow beneath her head and smiled at me. "I am the Lord's." That was her response. Tears sparkled in her eyes. It was a hard diagnosis to hear. But Cathette chose to look at Him instead of her circumstances. She lived to adopt two amazing sons. Her cancer returned. But even in her last few weeks, her heart gained strength in Jesus. She called me one afternoon after she began the morphine that would finally make her sleep until her death, and said: "Thank you for leading me to Jesus. Thank you for teaching me to trust. I know where I am going. I know I will be with Him soon. I love you." Though we cried together, parting tears, even then my beautiful friend looked up.

Remembering to turn our eyes on what God has done in us in the past will assure us He will take care of us in our darkest moments. And they come. To everyone. Christians are not exempt from pain and trouble. But it could actually hone our focus, knowing we either groan and complain in the experience or choose to think about how big our God is. God is the only One Who can ease the terror of our times. The blanching of our hearts that makes them dry up and lose hope. Fear is a soul thing. No doubt we will need to talk with Him about what is going on. We are free to cry our pain out to Him as David does here. The point is, God listens. God has been faithful in the past. God will be faithful again...until we go home to Him. If we forget God and listen to the lies of the enemy, our pain will lead us into hopelessness. And it's easy to look at where we are in sickness, abandonment, chaos, brokenness or financial distress. Some of our circumstances are horrendous. That's exactly why we must choose to look to Jesus instead of looking around us. Living water on parched land produces fruit. Hands reached out in hope to Jesus will not come back empty. And even, as with Cathette, when we are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't need to fear the evil one. Our God is with us. Never forget that.

PSALM 143 - Soul Food

For the enemy has pursued my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead. Therefore my spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled.   (Verses 3-4)

For thus says the One Who is high and lifted up, Who inhabits eternity, Whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him/her who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. For I will not contend forever, nor will I always be angry, for the spirit would grow faint before Me, and the breath of life that I made."  Isaiah 57  Italics, mine

Today Naghmeh Abedini announced that Saeed's mother will no longer be able to see him in prison. In fact, his mother must leave Iran or face prison herself. The Iranian government has doubled down on the request for clemency, saying there is no hope of it for Pastor Abedini. His mother collapsed into tears at the announcement and was taken to a nearby hospital. Pastor Abedini will now languish in the prison without benefit of visitors. Naghmeh said she is not shaken by the news because she wants no government to be glorified for her husband's release from prison, because God alone will do it. The message from Saeed was that he can feel all the prayers for him and they fill him with strength and courage to continue as a prisoner for the sake of Christ. And the enemy pursues their souls.

Saeed is not alone in his solitary cell. Not if what we believe is true. If what God says is right: that He dwells both in eternity and with those who love Him. Especially with the contrite and lowly. Who sit as if long dead in any prison the enemy constructs for our defeat. It is our souls he wants. Satan. To destroy them utterly. It is our souls he can't reach. They are reborn. They are not his to gain anymore. Our bodies are temporal, dust to dust. Eventually they fall away. Stripped of our tents, we are much more than physical: we are living spirits. Eternal in nature. It is that spirit Satan wants to destroy. Once our souls are held captive, our bodies will follow suit. I don't think there is any way Pastor Abedini could encourage others that he is strengthened and renewed if Jesus were not present with him in ways only the captive can know. May he be set free today from the nightmare Satan has thrown him into.

When we are held physically captive by the enemy, whether in an actual jail or in sickness or crisis, we must live from the soul. That connection we have with Jesus is our lifeblood, our only strength, our bread and water. Brought down to the most primal link to life. No earthly options left. I know it's what Jesus meant when He compared Himself to manna in the John 7 and when in John 6 He told us we would need to eat His flesh and drink His blood. It's not draconian. It's truth. When it all comes down to our souls and what they need to survive, it is living water, the bread of life (His Word) and the blood of His sacrifice, which makes us right with God. Those who conquer the evil one in ultimate victory do so by the blood of the Lamb, by the word of their testimony and by the fact that they loved not their lives even to their deaths (Revelation 12). The blood of Jesus is what makes our souls reborn. Remembering what Jesus saved us from, our lives without Him, and what He has done since we gave ourselves to Him is a powerful incentive to live for Him and a visceral reminder that He is real. But when we are asked to die for our faith in Jesus, it is our soul who must make the choice of which is greater: our life on Earth or our eternal life with Him. If our soul is uncultivated and asleep, fat with earthly gluttony, we are prey for the taking.

Never think God is too far away to meet us in our dark places. Though He made us to have bodies of flesh and blood, it is our souls for which He yearns. And it is there that He connects. Jesus Himself was in a place of darkness with those long dead, wrapped in the linen cloths of His burial, when the Spirit of God made Him live again. That same Spirit lives in us. To energize and strengthen our souls and our bodies. Satan lost the battle for my soul. He can't have it! No doubt he will try again and again. He has in the past. Satan is trying now with Saeed Abedini. But what the pastor knows is: If God be for us, who can be against us? He Who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also graciously give us all things?...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8

With that same Spirit we have the privilege of crying, Abba (Daddy), as children of God. Abba, today, be with our brother Saeed and with all those who are held physically captive because of their faith in You. Feed his soul, pour living water into his lifeblood and hold in Your vast arms his contrite and lowly spirit. And contend with those who hold him in prison as only You can. Please set him physically free to Your great glory. Amen.

PSALM 143 - Throne Room Etiquette

Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my pleas for mercy! In Your faithfulness answer me, in Your righteousness! Enter not into judgment with Your servant, for no one living is righteous before You.   (Verses 1-2)

Why should God listen to me when I pray? What could compel Him to do such a thing? In order to get into the White House to see a sitting president, I'd have to be somebody. I don't have access to Queen Elizabeth or the Pope. There are protocols to be observed in order to be led into the presence of people the world considers important. Only family has access to the public and private quarters of celebrities and princes. So how is it that I get to go into the throne room of God and have a private conversation? If it has anything to do with my being such an amazing person, a virtual paragon of righteousness, I'm doomed from the start. There would be no foxhole confessions that God honors. No last minute forgiveness. If God's protocol was that we had to be perfect in order to come into His presence...well, we'd all be lost.

I believe one of the most astonishing things about my God is that He has always wanted to live with those whom He has created in His image. To dwell with mankind in fellowship. It was the design in the garden and is the design in heaven. Always the same goal. He isn't eaten up with His own glory as earthly dignitaries are. God is holy because that is what He is. He isn't set apart like we are because we are all about how much more special we are than those who grovel at our feet. God's clout is the natural state of Who He is--absolutely set apart and pure. In order to bridge the gap between our behavior and His rightness, God set foot on the Earth He created. Came as the God-man, Jesus. Actually lived not only in Spirit here with us, but in flesh, also. Tempted as we are, but without sin. Knowing what it's like to live in a body destined for death. Jesus not only took on flesh, but He also took on the penalty for all the wrong things we've done in our own flesh. Why? A holy God demanded justice for our wrongs. So He took the punishment on Himself. On the altar of sacrifice to which Jesus was nailed. There we were brought to justice. There our sins were atoned. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every way has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then come boldly before the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4.  (italics, mine)

Our access to God was costly. Our protocol is our reliance on the death penalty Jesus took to cover our sins. If I careen into the throne room on my own recognizance, I don't have God's ear. If I gloat over how God should love me because I tithe and don't swear (all the time), how I served in the soup kitchen three times in one month and I've never stolen so much as a grape at the grocery store, I fear God might yawn and have me dragged out of His courts. None of those are bad things, but they are not the basis upon which I gain entrance into God's arena. My ability to come boldly into the presence of God is based solely upon my relationship with Jesus. I have nothing to commend myself personally to the Father. No one on earth does. We are fall short of God's holiness. I don't want justice when I pray. I want mercy. The mercy offered me by the death penalty Jesus paid so I would go free. The fact that I rely on the sacrifice Jesus made to give me life also makes me a child of God. Jesus brought me to His Father and said, "She is one of Ours." What loving Father wouldn't want to talk with his daughter? This daughter never wants to refuse the invitation.

 

PSALM 142 - Do Guess Jeans Make Life Complete?

Lord, I cry out to You. I say, "You are my protection! You are all I want in this life." Listen to my cry because I am helpless. Save me from those who are chasing me. Free me from my prison and then I will praise Your name. Then good people will surround me because You have taken care of me.   (Verses 5-7)

I guess one good thing about being deep in a cave was that David could holler and not be heard. Cry out to God his torment and scream his need without worrying about who might hear it, other than God. I think what David is yelling is important. It's not self-talk. "God is my protection. He's all I need." No! It's an in-your-face declaration of absolute love and affirmation that his God is all he wants. When life is pared down to only the essentials, is that the cry of my heart? "God, You are all I want!"?

"I really want a pair of Guess jeans for Christmas," Vanessa begged when she was twelve. "If I get a pair of Guess jeans, my life will be complete." Yeah. She actually said that. Which is why Bill and I did without for a month or so to buy them for Christmas. We didn't have much money at the time. Our family had recently been through hell, though, with the arrest of my father and the death of my mother, so to be able to make Vanessa's life complete sounded like a great idea. I never understood the hype about Guess jeans. They are pretty much ordinary jeans with a triangle on the pocket. But Vanessa was ebullient when she opened them Christmas and her life was complete...for about a week. Longer than I expected, really. Our capacity to want seems insatiable.

I wanted not to hurt anymore. Not to feel the aching pain of the things that happened to our family. That want is a pit so deep there is no bottom. The potential to throw things into the depths of that darkness is without end. It's soul-burning, mind bending, body tormenting need. Too busy with life to acknowledge it properly and too angry at my heavenly Father to run there, you can imagine the torment my wanter put me through. The irony of what I discovered, though, is this: God is all I want...and need. Struggling to my cave after my crazy, in the darkness of solitude and in the retreat from the enemy of my soul, I found Him there. Waiting to deliver me from the original pain and from the consequent pain I'd dragged myself into. Nothing else mattered in that cave dwelling experience. I didn't want a new car, diamond rings, new relationships, a glass of wine, a trip to the Bahamas...no appetite for anything but the Presence of my Beloved.

When my father-in-law lay dying a couple of years ago, I was holding his hand and rubbing his forehead. He was getting farther and farther away. It was obvious. His breathing became shallow, the breath from his body trickling out in tiny puffs. Jesus close on the other side. Dad's family close on this side. And that was all there was. I have his watch. A jar of change he kept with a two dollar bill inside. The stuff of his life in his room. His hearing aids and false teeth. His bed and dresser. All his earthly possessions still here when he was there. And that was all that mattered. That he was there. With the One Who is all we should really ever want. Because what else is there that's eternal? That doesn't fill only a temporary need?

Maybe it takes a cave experience for us to examine the very core of ourselves to see if we really do love God. If, when it all comes down to our barest needs, our most precious desires, we find them wrapped up in the heart of God toward us. That in communion with Him, even if its origin is our fiercest desperation, we find the sweetest spot in our earthly lives. A preview of heaven and home. When we are stripped of all the former joys and sick of wanting what doesn't really satisfy, we are sated with the Presence of the One Who loved us first.

One thing have I asked of the Lord. That I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple.
Psalm 27:4