Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let Your glory be over all the earth! That Your beloved ones may be delivered. Give salvation by Your right hand and answer me! (Verses 5-6)
My business was experiencing stress when the economy began tanking over the housing crisis. I'd spent thirteen years building it to a successful level. Loved the people who worked with me. I felt out of control some days as business fell off from the stellar year before. In the process of this trial, my father died. A complex grief. A deep relief. I was now an orphan on this earth. As 2007 approached, it was clear I should sell the business. And our new home. Come to grips with change and hard decisions. Synthesize what my father's death meant to me. Turn a wandering heart back home. I was kind of a mess.
The heartening thing to me was God was showing up for me as a Father. I knew in my head He is Father God. Jesus taught us to pray that way, "Our Father, Who is in heaven." I think, though, He was a long way off in terms of the way I related to Him. My earthly father's arrest in 1985, and the revelation of his many molestations, sent me running, in a panic, to hide. Mother's subsequent death confused my faith. By August of 1985, with cancer consuming her body, Mother decided to die. Gave up food. Went to bed. Left us to go home. I wish I could say I was a rock of a Christian in light of all of this. I wasn't. Emptied is how I felt. Hollow is how I stayed for years though most wouldn't have noticed.
Into 2006-2007 entered my Father. The death of Daddy made room, I suppose, for the possibility of a better one. It seems every time I read the Bible in that year, I was struck, as I am in the psalm today, by the fact that I am beloved. God, the Father, loves me as His precious child. He watches over me. Sings over me with joy (Zephaniah 3). Shepherds me. Calls me by name. Protects me from the enemy. Covers me with His feathers. Jesus told His disciples on the night before His death, "The Father Himself loves you (John 16)." Because I belong to Jesus, I belong to the Father. I spent hours repeating to myself what became a holy prayer, "We will be all right because my Father loves me." In the confusion of change, the betrayal of those I thought were my friends, and the disappointment of those with whom I did business, I walked with the increasing confidence that my Father would work it all out for my good and His glory. Because He loves me. No other reason. I certainly didn't deserve big breaks. I'm not worthy of such attention. That makes it all the more wonderful that He still looks out for this little lamb of His.
"You answer us in amazing ways, O God, our Savior!(Psalm 65)." A verse I found while fasting and praying in September of 2006. I can't explain how my heart wanted to be with my Father. Scared of making a wrong turn in a wrong-turn-ridden situation. Asking Him the specific question, "What is going to happen here?" I will answer you in amazing ways, daughter. Settled for me then. For I am beloved. When the staff asked what was happening, I would answer, "I don't know yet. But it will be all right because my Father loves me." It's all I had. Turns out it was enough. I sold the business. Sold my house. And all things worked together for the good. Which shouldn't surprise anyone. Least of all me. Miracles were in order for this to happen. My Father did things I wouldn't have dreamed of.
So I get it when David says to God, "Be exalted and show Your glory to everyone!" For in saving a wretch like me, in showing such love and grace, all can know there is a God Who reaches down out of His own goodness and grasps the hand of one too weak to walk. There is no other God like ours. Contrary to public opinion, the glorious God of All, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace isn't too busy to be my Daddy. My Abba. And He wills to move heaven and earth to get to His beloved child.
My business was experiencing stress when the economy began tanking over the housing crisis. I'd spent thirteen years building it to a successful level. Loved the people who worked with me. I felt out of control some days as business fell off from the stellar year before. In the process of this trial, my father died. A complex grief. A deep relief. I was now an orphan on this earth. As 2007 approached, it was clear I should sell the business. And our new home. Come to grips with change and hard decisions. Synthesize what my father's death meant to me. Turn a wandering heart back home. I was kind of a mess.
The heartening thing to me was God was showing up for me as a Father. I knew in my head He is Father God. Jesus taught us to pray that way, "Our Father, Who is in heaven." I think, though, He was a long way off in terms of the way I related to Him. My earthly father's arrest in 1985, and the revelation of his many molestations, sent me running, in a panic, to hide. Mother's subsequent death confused my faith. By August of 1985, with cancer consuming her body, Mother decided to die. Gave up food. Went to bed. Left us to go home. I wish I could say I was a rock of a Christian in light of all of this. I wasn't. Emptied is how I felt. Hollow is how I stayed for years though most wouldn't have noticed.
Into 2006-2007 entered my Father. The death of Daddy made room, I suppose, for the possibility of a better one. It seems every time I read the Bible in that year, I was struck, as I am in the psalm today, by the fact that I am beloved. God, the Father, loves me as His precious child. He watches over me. Sings over me with joy (Zephaniah 3). Shepherds me. Calls me by name. Protects me from the enemy. Covers me with His feathers. Jesus told His disciples on the night before His death, "The Father Himself loves you (John 16)." Because I belong to Jesus, I belong to the Father. I spent hours repeating to myself what became a holy prayer, "We will be all right because my Father loves me." In the confusion of change, the betrayal of those I thought were my friends, and the disappointment of those with whom I did business, I walked with the increasing confidence that my Father would work it all out for my good and His glory. Because He loves me. No other reason. I certainly didn't deserve big breaks. I'm not worthy of such attention. That makes it all the more wonderful that He still looks out for this little lamb of His.
"You answer us in amazing ways, O God, our Savior!(Psalm 65)." A verse I found while fasting and praying in September of 2006. I can't explain how my heart wanted to be with my Father. Scared of making a wrong turn in a wrong-turn-ridden situation. Asking Him the specific question, "What is going to happen here?" I will answer you in amazing ways, daughter. Settled for me then. For I am beloved. When the staff asked what was happening, I would answer, "I don't know yet. But it will be all right because my Father loves me." It's all I had. Turns out it was enough. I sold the business. Sold my house. And all things worked together for the good. Which shouldn't surprise anyone. Least of all me. Miracles were in order for this to happen. My Father did things I wouldn't have dreamed of.
So I get it when David says to God, "Be exalted and show Your glory to everyone!" For in saving a wretch like me, in showing such love and grace, all can know there is a God Who reaches down out of His own goodness and grasps the hand of one too weak to walk. There is no other God like ours. Contrary to public opinion, the glorious God of All, Creator and Sustainer of the universe, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace isn't too busy to be my Daddy. My Abba. And He wills to move heaven and earth to get to His beloved child.
No comments:
Post a Comment