PSALM 39 - All The World's A Stage

O, Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days.  Let me know fleeting I am!  Behold,  You have made my life a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before You.  Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!  Surely man goes about as a shadow!  Surely for nothing they are in turmoil!  Man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather. (vs. 4-6)

All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players.  They have their exits and their entrances.  And one man in his time plays many parts.  Shakespeare,  As You Like It

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time.  And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.  Out, out, brief candle.  Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.  It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.   Shakespeare, Macbeth

What's It All About, Alfie?  Is That All There Is?  Sing it with me now....if you grew up in the 60's, that is.  Life.  Ever gotten soured on it?  Ever wonder what we are all doing here anyway?  Does life consist of working, eating, sleeping, an occasional movie and too much Angry Birds (oops!)?  Is there a greater joy?  A higher purpose?  Or are we dust on our way back to dusty death?  Strutting about as players on a stage.....many of us pretty bad actors?  Is my life a tale told by an idiot or does it just look idiotic sometimes? 

Why is it that man seldom considers the brevity of his own life?  Shocked by the death of someone near, we mourn and reconsider our purpose, knowing our lives could be cut short in a moment.  We are but a breath away from eternity.  Thus a shadow?  No.  Our lives have substance and, I submit, should then leave a shadow.

 The thing about knowing Christ is that we don't merely act a part we think the world will applaud....or boo.  We become.  That is so much different.  The actor does not really live. She is only vicariously experiencing the life she portrays.  Waiting for her standing ovation on this earth.  She is praised for being who she is not!  The hour upon the stage is pretense.  When the curtain closes, the audience still does not know the woman, only her performance.  That is not what I want for my life.  I want to exit having entered as me.  No bull.  No makeup to cover the flaws (well, maybe a little) and no words said just to be politically correct.  Surely the Director of Life has a dream for my performance here in this theater of life.  But I don't play somebody else, because it is not an act but a reality.  In the vast embroidery of His plan for His people, I get to play myself on His stage.  To be truly me. 

In Your book were written for me, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm 139)   There is a story all right.  Some are brief.  Some are long.  But they are specifically written for each of us to be in them.  I cannot be the main player in someone else's story or I am only acting.  I want my journey, and an Oscar at the end for playing Kay so well.  The writer of Hebrews encouraged us to live our lives as though we are being watched by a great crowd of witnesses cheering us on!  These have not been forgotten because they played a part in the greatest drama of them all - salvation.  My time upon the stage being me, being His, will ever be remembered, too.  Not because I played the part so well, but because I did not play a part at all.

PSALM 38 - What's In That Sack On Your Back?

So I confess my guilt.  I am anxious because of my sin.  But my enemies are vigorous and powerful.  Many hate me for no reason.  Those who repay evil for good attack me for pursuing good.

Lord, do not abandon me!  My God, do not be far from me.  Hurry to help me, my Lord, my Savior!  (vs. 18-22)

What is it that makes us reticent to confess our guilt?  The punishment?  The shame?  The egregious  need to be right all the time?  I don't know which is worse - to confess and be restored or to get away with sin and go on as though nothing ever happened.  Guilt brings with it the same ramifications either way - paying, with grief, for what we have done.  For godly grief produces a repentance not to be regretted and leading to salvation.  Worldly grief produces death.
(2 Corinthians 7) 

Our Father loves us enough to allow us to face our sins and grieve that we committed them.  They are paid for, but we cannot experience the joy of that fact until we agree with Him about what we did.  The Holy Spirit is given to us in part to convict us of sin.  To nudge us in the moment.  To ask forgiveness from the Father before the seed of sin has grown into a bush that must be hacked down.  Sin builds a case for itself almost as soon as we have committed it.  No one will ever know.  I deserved this.  She hurt me.  Where is God anyway.  Etc.  And if you have been righteous (or self-righteous) for very long, it is very difficult to fess up to being a worm in need of forgiveness - even to your own conscience.  So, many of us are carrying a sack full of unhacked bushes around on our backs.  They will become too heavy.  We will become sick.  We will need repentance and forgiveness.  Or we will die spiritually.  Simple choice.  And our Father, because He loves us, will let us go down that road until we have had enough - or He has. 

Unburdened,  David is relieved and can once again trust that God will help him.  That is one of the onuses of our sin.  It separates us from God.  Not because God moved, but He hates pretension.  Won't stand for lying.  The smell of our own festering boils must finally convince us that we need help.  He waits.  Never stops loving, but has to be lord.  He will not compete with another god, especially the god of self. 

David's predicament in his moment is that even though he is now right with God, there are still those who don't notice that he has turned himself around and is doing good again.  His sin created enemies and then there are still those who were his enemies all along. They were glad to see him wrecked.  Sheesh!  The man after God's own heart. Yeah. Right!  And God looks bad along with us.  Fortunately, God cares more about the man/woman than about their mission.  God loves us as individuals and goes after our hearts again.  That is not something we can explain to those who have a different father.  Ours will take down our kingdoms to save our souls.  After all, Jesus promised to keep us.  It might be that those we have offended in our sin will exact repayment from us.  The toll might be heavy.  But, in the end, we have gained a repentance that will not be regretted because it has left us clean.  Ready to start over.  Weeping over the sores of sin a thing of the past.  But in our memory the disgusting plight of our willfulness had best leave a scar that reminds us that we don't want to end up there again.

I love that David can still cry out to God to not abandon him!  We freely abandon the Father Who loves us so much He gave Himself for us, then have the audacity to scream:  "Don't leave me!"  You know the most flabbergasting thing about that is He doesn't!!!!  Who said the God of the Old Testament is a mean old taskmaster waiting for us to screw up?  Only those who don't know my Abba.

PSALM 38 - Heavenly UPS

I am like a deaf man.  I cannot hear.  Like a mute, I cannot speak.  I am like a person who does not hear,  who has no answer to give. 

I trust You, Lord.  You will answer, my Lord and my God.  (vs. 13-15)

Out of steam.  No questions or answers any more.  Too overwhelmed by his own guilt to have any advice for others.  Consumed with both soul sickness and physical maladies, the singer of this song is at the end of his rope.  Left alone to consider his life in response to the outcome of his own sin, David can do nothing but look to the Lord. 

The contrast is obvious.  David can't speak or hear, but his God can...and does.  Abba has not stopped loving David because David has stopped loving himself! Groanings are about all that the psalmist can manage, but they are enough, apparently.  In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness, for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  He Who searches hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is,  because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ( Romans 8)

Remember when Peter was pontificating concerning his great love for Jesus?  Though all forsake you, I will not!  What Jesus knew and Peter did not was that Satan had already planned to sift Peter like wheat.  Had a plan to destroy him and his love for the Master.  But Jesus said He had prayed for Peter...interceded for Peter's victory in the plan of the devil...and that Peter would come out on the other side wiser and more humble with a mandate to serve Christ in a greater capacity. 

The promise of the Holy Spirit at the last supper Jesus had with His disciples came with an assurance that Jesus would still be speaking to us even though He is not physically present.  The Holy Spirit imparts the mind of Christ to us.  Christ tells the Spirit what to say to us so that we can be in constant conversation with Christ and can understand the will of the Father.  That is so stunning I must stop for a second just to wallow in it!  AND.....Christ knows what is in our minds and hearts....understands where we are coming from.  He lives to pray for us!  He is in constant conversation with the Father over me.

Are you groaning today?  Just can't think of anything even to pray.  No wisdom in your situation.  Near hopelessness.  Your God, in Christ, through the work of His Holy Spirit has put your predicament into a heavenly paradigm that makes sense.  Your wordless distress has been packaged and sent to the very throne of God by His Son, Jesus Christ.  You can trust Him.  He will answer.....even though you don't even know what the question is.

PSALM 38 - Foolish Much?

My sores stink and become infected because I was foolish. I am bent over and bowed down.  I am sad all day long.  I am burning with fever, and my whole body is sore.  I am weak and faint.  I moan from the pain I feel.

Lord, You know everything I want.  My cries are not hidden from You.  My heart pounds, and my strength is gone.   I am losing sight.  (vs. 5-10)

Weary of being sick.  Tired of trying to go forward.  Depressed and blind with hopelessness. Why?  Because he was foolish.  Bearing the consequences of his own sin.  Seeing his God far away and not being able to touch Him.  Crying out for it to be finished, one way or the other.  Sin sickness.

Oh, I have been foolish!  You might have been, too.  I have gone my own way and found myself in a pit so deep I could see only the tiniest point of light.  I was allowed to sit there for a while.  To smell the slime on the walls and feel the dankness creep up over me, chilling hope.  To wrap up in the loneliness created by being left there when I thought I was loved.  Thrown away because I threw away.  Foolish.  I don't even have to close my eyes to go back there in my spirit.  Sat there long enough to have the pit imprinted on my soul.  Hell.  Not a place I yearn to return.  I just want to be near my Abba now. 

Why?  Because after I had sat there long enough to know I would never find myself there again, He came and got me out!  He always knew everything I wanted.  My cries for clarity and cleanness were always heard, though I thought they only echoed in the confines of my cave.  Just when I believed I would lose sight of the hopeful ray of light that beamed a better way, He stood beside me, took my filthy hand, and led me out to freedom.  Abba did. 

The sickness David bemoans starts with the soul.  With a notion that I can do a better job with my life than God can.  That I give my God the finger and tell Him I am doing it my way!  Sound harsh?  Well.  It is.  So, my Father lets me.  What can He do?  For I must learn the hard way.

But my Father knows everything I wanted in the first place.  He knows why I went astray.  And that is what He wants to fix in me.  He could have done it without my wanderings into foolishness, but I did not let Him.  In my pain I ran as fast as I could into more pain.  Clever, wasn't I?  But the wonder of it all is that when I ran out of sinful steam, when I was sick to death of myself, bent over and bowed down, sad all day long, weak, faint and moaning my misery to my God, He heard my cries.  Was, in fact, waiting for them.  "Sit there for a bit, my daughter, so you never,ever forget what it is like to be away from Me.  I will sit here with you. Let's talk."  Listening to my Father in the pit.  Finally hearing what He wanted to tell me before when I would not be still for Him to speak.

I wear clean soul clothes now.  I did not purchase them.  They were bought for me.  There are some for you, too.  If you need them.  Washed in red.  Purest white.  You cannot earn them or buy them on Amazon.com.  They have a monogram on them, but it is not your name.  It is the Father's because the clothing and the one who dons them belong to Him.

PSALM 38 - A Festering Sore

O Lord, rebuke me not in Your anger, nor discipline me in Your wrath!  For Your arrows have sunk into me, and Your hand has come down on me.

There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your indignation.  There is no health in my bones because of my sin.  For my iniquities have gone over my head.  Like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.  (vs. 1-4)

I read this song of David yesterday and have struggled with it since.  It is to be sung as a song of remembrance.  My first thought when I woke today was, Lord, what does this psalm mean?  David is lamenting that his sin against God brought on a sickness so despicable that his friends would not even come near him.  The sores on his body stink with the puss festering in them.  David is a pariah because God is mad at him.  Hmmm. 

The commentary I reviewed suggested this disease came upon David after the sin of killing Uriah to cover Bathsheba's pregnancy.  Then lying to man and God about it.  Grievous, no doubt.  The question, of course, is Does God inflict us with disease as punishment for sin?  This was my struggle in the night.

My mother was dying with colon cancer.  The idea of festering sores and a giant tumor eating away at her body from the inside out is in keeping with the health problems David faced.  The whites of Mother's eyes were turning saffron yellow and her body shrinking away as my cousin from Ohio came to visit.  A well-meaning Christian, she visited Mother for the express purpose of confronting her on the nature of the sins that had brought Mother to this devastating death.  Hurt on hurt.  Crushing condemnation poured onto desiccating pain.  Added to this is what I know of people struggling with cancer.  I have had several friends die of the disease and have had them all ask me the same question:  What did I do to make God so mad?  Is this because of my sin? 

I cannot answer that question except to say that our sin, after the death of our Savior, is paid for already.  This psalm is a memorial psalm that hearkens to Leviticus 2 and the memorial offering.  It was a "most holy offering" to remind God that the sinner has offered on the altar "crushed grain."  David is crushed here.  Perhaps as a memorial offering himself to God.  The crushing was of his own making, however.  So, he understands the disease he is dealing with to be a direct response of God to David's own foolishness.  God had somehow communicated to David that He was punishing him. 

Overcome with the idea that God is so mad at him that He shoots David with arrows, His beloved child, who sought the very heart of God, is laid low crying out for his God to not be angry at him when He disciplines him!  Shoot me with arrows! Rebuke me strongly!  But please don't turn away in anger!  The weight of sin and guilt buried David in condemnation too heavy for him to bear.  It is this weight that is more devastating to him than the disease.  The reason for the sickness is more upsetting than the disease itself. 

I am wondering what caused the malady to get to the place that David has festering sores all over him.  Perhaps when the sore was only a bump, an irritation calling him to repentance, he should have called out for mercy.  But life went on as normal and the need to deal with his sin was buried as a seed somewhere in his soul.  He was, after all, the king and very busy.  His sin had not yet caught up to him.  But the sore grew larger and more painful as did the guilt of his sin.  His Father would not let him hide it forever.  The pain in his body awoke the pain in his soul, and David cried out!  To save His relationship with his child the Father had to nearly kill the kid!  And that is mercy not wrath.

I believe God will be as gentle as we let Him to drive us to His heart.  Of course, not all fatal disease is related to our own personal sins.  What is clear to me from this song of a sinner is that God will let us know if that is how He decides to confront our sin.  We will not need a judgmental "other" to lay on us what God did not.

PSALM 37 - Wasted Breath Much Lately?

Mark the blameless and behold the upright, for there is a future for the man of peace. (vs. 37)


The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord.  He is their stronghold in the time of trouble.  The Lord helps and delivers them.  He delivers them from the wicked and saves them because they take refuge in Him.  (vs. 39-4)


Is it hard for you to be a person of peace?  All I have to do is get onto the 405 freeway to lose my religion. No one drives quite as well as I do, you see.  Or crossing PCH to go to the beach....when that teenager with the red 1970 Mustang excuses himself from the red light and nearly barrels into us as we step our toes into the crosswalk. "Idiot!  Are you an idiot?"  Yes.  I yelled that.  Then there are the times I have gotten really mad.  My son was privy to one of those meltdowns.  It is probably why he became a policeman!  The anger in that moment was justified, but unnecessary.  When you are a little too willing to give someone else a piece of your mind you cannot afford to lose, they are usually just as unwilling to listen.  Wasted my breath.  No future in screaming at someone who just doesn't give a darn.

David is speaking of creating peace instead of strife.  Not necessarily personal inner peace.  The one who brings peace and reconciliation to a stormy circumstance brings a future to the relationship.  I don't think God is looking for peace at any price.  An abused wife trying just to make peace while continuing to be hurt.  That is not what He means here.  On the other hand, we should not be the ones who are always bringing a fight to the table.  Hands up and ready to duke it out with our mates, our kids or our friends....or the drivers on the 405. There should be something so settled in us that it brings equilibrium.  That does not mean that we just take whatever someone does to us, but it does mean that we understand our value on a much higher level.  It seems to me that what makes people most upset is being misunderstood, misrepresented, patronized or lied to.  These are the things that blow us up!  How does one stay "righteous and blameless" when she feels accosted?

The Lord.  That is how.  Usually I don't really remember Him when I am popping off about something.  If I were to take my emotional maelstrom to Him before I used my vocabulary or my fists, the outcome might approach something like peace.  My vindication, because I am His, is in His court.  So much wasted breath I could have saved if I had just let Abba fight my battles.  I know.  That means I run away in the fight.  Go to the "strong tower" and hide.  But my brain and my brawn have never been as powerful as my Father's.  Not only is He smarter, He is bigger!

I'm not advocating stuffing it all down inside and acting like I have peace when I am wronged!  That can make you sick.  Don't go around harboring unforgiveness.  That can kill you.  The Lord is also big enough to hear all your anger!  Go somewhere and blow off.  Tell your Father how wronged you have been.  Shake your fist! Stomp your feet!  But do it inside the tower.  Not on your own.  The Lord gets mad with us when we have been wronged, so don't think it is unspiritual to rant about it with the appropriate one - God.  It is your Father who delivers you and saves you...remember?

PSALM 37 - Testimony of a Zombie

..the law of His God is in his heart....(vs. 31)


"They shall be my people and I shall be their God.  I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and for the good of their children after them.  I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them.  And I will put the fear of Me in their hearts, that they may not turn from Me.  I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land with faithfulness, with all My heart and all my soul."  The Lord God,   Jeremiah 32


Now to Him Who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ, our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever.  Amen.     Jude


"This is the new covenant I will make with them:  I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts.  And I will be their God and they will be My people.....they shall all know Me, from the least to the greatest.  I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."
The Lord God, Jeremiah 31


See the body lying there without breath or purpose?  Void of all that gives it life?  Now watch it try to rise alone and walk away, a zombie cratering into others, knowing only to survive.  Look into her eyes, this empty walking dead, and see the void. Would that she could enter once again into the womb of her creation.  One more chance to do it all over again.  And, this time, with joy.  Instead of stumbling blindly into life and careening into all its opportunities, hit or miss, her feet would walk with purpose.  Born again.

 I am she.  She was I.  No, I did not enter once again into my mother's womb, but was born of God.  Animated by His life within me.  Still walking in imperfect flesh, but blameless, because before time began He purposed with all His glory, with all His majesty, dominion and authority to keep me as His child.  He promised with all His heart and with all His soul to give me a new heart and make me His.  He made a promise to me.  That He would indwell this mortal body and work within it a purpose so divine it was conceived before the world began and will last forever.  He raised me from the dust of death to live forever, and wrote His love upon my heart. My Father wanted me to know Him so badly that He came to earth to show me what He is like then die a sacrificial death for me.

If Jesus had left it there, we would be just alike, He and I.  Both still dead.  But He rose again so that He could breathe His life into me by the power of the Holy Spirit.  I still would be the walking dead without that life flow. It is He who works in me to love, to walk in integrity, to serve, to care about anything else but what I want.  I cannot get up and live the Christian life without having been birthed by God and sustained by the Word implanted in me. My God is the energy of my soul.  When I stand before the Father, it will be because Christ kept me from stumbling, defended me before Yahweh, crushed the plans of the evil one, and forgave my sin.  New birth - the new covenant in Christ's blood - is lived out by the Spirit of God within a woman who was dead in her sins.  And this makes Him as joyful as it makes me!

Now to Him Who is able to keep you.....be glory, majesty, dominion and authority forever!!!

PSALM 37 - Older and Wiser, I Hope

I have been young and now I am old.  Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor his children begging for bread.  He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing.  


Turn away from evil and do good.  So shall you dwell forever.  For the Lord loves justice.  He will not forsake His saints.  They are preserved forever.  But the children of the wicked shall be cut off.


The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom and his tongue speaks justice.  The law of his God is in his heart.  His steps do not slip.  (vs. 25-31)


It is helpful to be older.  To have a cache of experiences under my belt that reveal the faithfulness of the Lord.  When a person is young,  life stretches out before her as a clean slate upon which each she writes a story.  We trust our God at first with shaky legs, uncertain of His ability or desire to take us up.  It is faith with a lot of guessing.  Relying upon Him with a not so small amount of sleeplessness lest He doesn't come through.  I now have a long road to look back on, and it is not straight.  There are many detours.  Lost jobs.  Gained employment.  Unfaithfulness.  Faithfulness.  Births.  Deaths.  Joys.  Sorrows.  Heights.  Depths.  Travels.  Moves.  Friendships.  Wrong turns.  Right turns.  U-turns.  The destination, however, has always been the same. Him.

Why has He loved me?  I am certainly so flawed I don't deserve it.  The answer:  He has chosen to.  I  am His child because He chose me to be His.  In light of that relationship, I am still being shaped into someone that bears a reasonable resemblance to my Father.  I am righteous by virtue of my adoption. Therefore, I am never forsaken by my Abba.  All that is mine, including my children and my wealth, belong to Him.  Forever.  All that I have is on loan to me.  I should never hold on too tightly to anything here.  I have been blessed in order to share generously.  And I have been generously blessed.  Especially with my children.

I am this week in Alexandria, Virginia, with my oldest daughter and her family.  Let me tell you who she is.  Breadmaker and Boo-boo healer.  Taxi driver and homework sheriff.  Fitness buff and storyteller.  Dishwasher and gourmet chef.  And....Super Woman.  At the park on Sunday afternoon after church, her boys and their dad decided to launch a favorite rocket.  So we chose a large grassy knoll and parked our lawn chairs and blanket to enjoy the spectacle of space.  Two great send-offs encouraged a third as we all cheered along with the kids playing soft ball and soccer on adjacent fields.  Whoosh!  Up into the air went the rocket carrying shuttles on its sides.  Up, up, up it soared.  Shuttles disengaged.  Parachute opened.  The gentle wind suddenly picked up.  Oh, no!  Down onto the roof of the far-off restroom floated the rocket.  Gone forever minus a tornado lifting it from its cradle in the flattened center of the rooftop.  Everyone circled the building hmmmming and thinking.....Just leave it there.


The boys were disappointed...particularly the biggest of them, their dad.  He wanted to get the rocket back for his kids.  So, Heather puts her foot into her husband's hand and is boosted onto the composition roof to fetch the wayward missile.   Victory!  Rocket in hand, she moves to the edge of the roof and hands it down.  Cheers!!  Joy!!  But now we must figure out how to get Mommy down instead of the plane.  Ooops!  In all the bravado of retrieving, descending was overlooked.

Soccer mommies are looking our way wondering why this one is on the roof of the restroom.  What in the world!!!  My daughter, someone's mommy, is sitting on the edge of the roof with just me and her husband to help her down.  To the rescue come two big soccer dads.  Jump!  We'll catch you!  Into the arms of her husband and the brawny guys in baseball caps catapults my baby.  Her babies cheering her on.  And everyone is in love with her for fetching a $10 rocket for her men.  Children are a blessing.

My oldest grandson asked me at dinner the other night if I thought I would see his children some day.  I sure hope so!  He is ten.  That would make me......oh, well.  I will be more wrinkled then but no less excited about the blessing of my children.

On the other coast are a son and daughter being just as remarkable in their daily lives.  No big splashes as yet.  Vanessa leading two congregations into worship on Sunday and encouraging her friends in Christ.  Will protecting Hollywood, his own life out there every day. I don't have enough room to fully express this blessing of children.  I can only glimpse how the Father must love us when I examine the depths of love I have for my kids.

Of course, our children have journeyed with us through many of the years of our lives.  Hopefully, along with our mistakes, they have seen when we got it right.  When we chose to do the right things instead of the expedient ones.  That on those occasions when wisdom dripped from our lips and justice untangled our tongues, they were listening and watching.  That, even though we are flawed and they recognize that more and more as they mature,  we have loved our God.  We want to please Him though we don't always.  We cannot make the choices for serving the God we love for our children, but by His grace, we can lead them to the door of His house where there are pleasures forever more.  Loved and accepted by the Beloved Father Who will never leave them or forsake them.

PSALM 37 - An Ode to the Father

The days of the blameless are known to the Lord, and their inheritance will endure forever.  In times of disaster they will not wither.  In days of famine they will enjoy plenty...If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm.  Though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.  (Vs. 18-19; 23-24)


When I was reading this verse this morning, I thought:  Hmm...if I take this literally, no one will inherit anything because none of us can claim blamelessness.  I have no doubt that I would be in deep trouble if I were to count on my own goodness to be accepted by God.  Whew!  I do not.  "For by grace you have been saved, through faith - and that is not from yourselves, it is a free gift from God- not by works, so that no man can boast. "(Ephesians 2:8-9)


So this guilty woman is declared blameless by the blood of Christ!  Expiated!  Gets out of bondage free!  Free to me, that is.  It cost God a great deal to declare me blameless.  Jesus died so that I could come to the Father with Him.  Adopted into His family with all the rights and privileges that come with the family name.  A joint heir with Christ......what?  I inherit all that Christ does?  The Father takes me into His embrace as His kid?  Joys in my conversations with Him?  Wraps His love around me?  Protects and instructs me?  Disciplines and affirms me?  Yes!  He watches over my days like any great father, providing for me in the most practical of ways....my food and my safety.  My walking and running.  He knows the way I am going and He is there to make it sure.  Holding my hand as I go along.

I cannot get over the idea of God delighting in me.  But His sweetness toward my life is always evident.  Last night a friend sent me an old email I had sent her in 2009.  Bill's sister was moving Bill's dad, Papa, out of his home and into assisted living, and we were going to Texas to help with the move.  Papa was very depressed over it as it was happening at lightning speed for a 94 year old man.  My prayer request to my friend was that Papa be comforted and cared for in the heartbreaking process.  In the following months, Bill's sister and her husband died within ten days of each other.  Papa, who had confined himself to a wheelchair since the move to the nursing home, seemed too frail to move to California.  However, he wanted to be near us, so he got up, started using a walker, and flew out to California where he lived for two more years.  It was the best time Bill had ever had with his dad.  And we were privileged to be holding his hands when he went to see Jesus.  The email reminded me of how our Father goes out ahead of us to prepare our way.  I had no idea in 2009 how the circumstances would play out.  But my Father did.  He had already prepared a future grace for Papa to walk into and for us to enjoy.

Also in the email, I voiced my concerns about Bill's job.  He had worked for the same company for over twenty years, but the firm was declaring bankruptcy.  That meant the demise of Bill's job.  What would we do?  In the aftermath, Bill was employed immediately by another company and got to work from home.  No more driving 45 minutes in LA traffic.  An added blessing.  "Don't worry saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans run after these things, and your heavenly Father knows you need them."(Matthew 6)

Zephaniah 3:17:  The Lord your God is with you!  He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you.  He will quiet you with His love.  He will rejoice over you with singing.  I tear up every time I read this verse.  God singing over me in His delight.  Quieting my fretting heart with the assurance of His love.  Affirming He is with me, no matter what!  Even when I stumble.  Not watching where I am going.  "Pick up your feet, Kay!"  Hearing my mother's admonition in my Father's voice.  "Watch where you are going!"  My Father is not waiting for me to do wrong, but helping me to do right!  Ready with a high-five when I make the right choice.  Ready with discipline and direction when I screw it all up.  Shushing my fears. Wiping my tears. Stilling my heart with a lullaby.  This is my inheritance.  A Father who loves me forever.

PSALM 37 - The Cure For Being a Worry-Wart

Trust in the Lord and do good.  Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord;  trust in Him and he will do this:  He will make our righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.  Do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil.  (vs. 1-8)


St. Augustine said:  "Love the Lord and do whatever you want."  Don't you love the subtext of this imperative?  If you love the Lord, there are just some things you won't do...mainly because you have just lost your desire for them.  The desire to love and please Him trumps the stuff you used to do to make yourself happy.  Affirmation from your Father is what you live for.  You delight to be in the presence of He Who delights in you!  You are in safe pasture, little lamb, if you are dwelling near the Shepherd.

Lest we take this verse to mean that if we cow-tow to God He will give us whatever thing we want - power, prestige, gobs of money, friends in high places, etc., etc. - we need to understand how delighting in Him changes us.  Like falling in love changes us.  All we want to do then is please the other person.  We want to be beautiful for them.  We desire what is best for the other person.  Any action or words that bring that sparkle to our lover's eyes is what we live to do.  As we get to know our beloved more deeply, our lives become more intertwined with his and we want to enjoy what he enjoys.  Just as we will eventually become one with the person we love, so we become one with the Lover of our souls.  What hurts Him hurts us.  What brings Him joy brings us joy.  Our desires become his and his, ours.  Only this Lover has the ability to bring our dreams to pass because He is the dream maker.  What would you pay to hear from someone who could tell you what you were born to be and then help you to accomplish that?  It is priceless.

More important really is the promise attached to this verse.  Look what we receive when we trust in Him! We shine!  Not because we are so darned perfect, but because He is!  He has chosen to shine through us so that our righteousness from Him is apparent to the world.  And when you have been defamed or abused, the truth about what happened to you will blaze like the noonday sun.  Evil will be dealt with by the only One Who can mete out justice.

So wait.  Be still in the face of injustice.  He sees!!  I will say that again. He sees!!  Do not think for a minute that if you are a child who delights in her Father that He will let you be run over by whatever  enemy is in your life right now.  Don't worry about it!  Don't take vindication into your own hands! Don't froth in anger and scream things you wish you had not said.  Your Father sees what is happening to the one in whom He delights.  He WILL make the justice of your cause shine out.  In His time.  Wait!

I love the verse in 1 Peter 2: 23 - When they hurled their insults at Him, he did not retaliate.  When He suffered, He made no threats.  Instead, He entrusted Himself to the One Who judges rightly.  
I had a man unfairly try to sue my business in 2006.  He retained a lawyer and everything.  I did all I could do to clarify what happened in our argument, but was not capable of doing in  my flesh all that needed to be done to mediate the circumstances.  This verse became my mantra.  I willed to trust in the One Who judges rightly.  I put the situation in His hands.  He sent a lawyer to me who advised me without charge.  Then we waited.  The decision went my way.  My God shining at His best for a child Who loves Him so.

See Him seeing you.  Know you delight Him.  Why would He not take care of what affects His beloved?  Fretting leads to your trying to figure it out for yourself.  In my experience, not a good idea!  Get back to delighting in your Father.  The rest is up to Him.the

PSALM 36 - Nobody Likes a Know-It-All

Oh, continue Your steadfast love to those who know You, and Your righteousness to the upright in heart!  Let not the foot of arrogance come upon me, nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.  There the evildoers lie fallen.  They are thrust down, unable to rise.  (vs. 10-12)


What can separate us from the love of God?  Absolutely nothing.

What can keep us from knowing and experiencing the love of God?  Pride.

The root of sin, which is essentially separation from God, is our own arrogance.  Feeling we are too smart for Him.  We know better than He does because, honestly, we cannot see Him.  Last night, awake again and praying for things I cannot fix, the Lord reminded me of me impotency in the several situations that I was bringing before Him.  He did not, however, leave me there, but gently reminded me that I should trust in Him with all my heart and don't lean on my own limited understanding of things (Proverbs 3: 5-6). In the night, when I was straining for closure for the calamities for which I prayed, and in waking up this morning to a new day, the challenge is that trusting in God to fix what we cannot is a choice.  It is intentional.  Those of us who know Him, should find this to be such a relief.  The calm that He is "greater than our hearts and He knows everything" (I John 3) relaxed my body and my mind so I could go back to sleep last night.  Prescient, powerful and counterintuitive,  my Father is probably not going to work out the things I pray for in any of the million scenarios I was coming up with.

Pride can sneak up on us, though.  It was the sin of the Pharisees.  It is the sin of the church.  It is always knocking at my door.  As the mother of three kids, I got pretty good at problem solving.  Sometimes I had to make head-spinning decisions at the spur of the moment.  Had to feel confident it was the right choice.  I have also made horrendous choices out of my own neediness or hubris.  Devastating.  Without asking Him because in my heart I just assumed He would surely agree.  After all, it was me!  And that was the problem.  Doing things out of my own paradigm.  From my own experience and point of view.  Thinking I was always right.  I was married for twenty-five years before I discovered in couples' counseling that just because my husband had a different opinion than mine, it did not mean that he was wrong.  I know...I am slow.

Arrogance keeps us from understanding the great love in which the Lord covers us.  We don't even really look there because we are capable of doing it all ourselves.  Can't see how others are feeling or try to understand where they are coming from because we are always right....or self-righteous.  Our Father must stand aside,  shaking His head and tsk-tsking our ignorance while He waits for it to all fall apart so He can show us the "light" of the situation.  The enemy, arrogance, keeps its foot on our necks, nails us to the ground, and we forfeit the joy of relationships with God and others.

Admit it!  No one likes a know-it-all.  Especially the One Who does know everything!  And what a relief to not have to have the answers all the time.  Pray that arrogance does not keep you from your God.  That nothing the wicked do to you will drive you, in cynicism, away from the steadfast love of your God!  He will never leave you or forsake you.  He is faithful even when you are faithless.  But sometimes we make Him stand at a distance, loving us from the bleachers while we wrestle with an enemy that will eventually pen us to the mat in defeat.

PSALM 36 - He'll Keep The Light On For You

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,  Your faithfulness to the clouds.  Your righteousness is like the mountains of God.  Your judgments are like the great deep.  Man and beast you save, O God.


How precious is Your steadfast love, O God!  the children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.  They feast on the abundance of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your delights.  For with You is the fountain of life.  In Your light we see the light. (vs 5-9)


Couldn't sleep much last night.  A little jet lag, maybe, but my mind was also on a young woman struggling with her father.  He loves her, I know, but he is not safe.  Anger boils beneath the surface of his every day life and spews too often with words that cut into the hearts of all of his children.  He is human.   That is the primary problem with all of us who parent.  And we are not safe as long as we think ourselves divine and supremely right all the time.

Over and above the crushing issues my young friend has with her father is the certain knowledge that at some point in life we walk out of one family and fully into another, if we are Christians.  We leave the hand of our earthly father to take the hand of our heavenly One, for it is He who ultimately is our refuge and our strength.  Her opportunity is now, because her daddy is Mount Helena about to erupt all the time when it concerns her maturing into an independent woman.  I remember the day the Lord told me that my children were never mine.  They had always been His and He had entrusted them to me for a while.  If they are going to be kept strong and safe,  He is the One ultimately responsible.  I don't have that much power.

Handing our children off to our Father should be a joy!  Watching them learning to trust the One we love and trust should be the culmination of all we have ever wanted for them!  Why?  Because He is the constant we can never be!  His love is steadfast......immutable...absolutely sure.  It is wise and prescient, higher than the clouds.  If He scolds us, it is from a point of absolute righteousness and accuracy.  Our God and Father never abashes us.  Never condemns.  Even His discipline is affirmation that He is watching over what we do and think - guided by His everlasting love.  Since He knows our hearts,  He does not misjudge us.  Because He sees us, He knows where He can trust us.  Earthly fathers guess at all of this.  See us through the filter of their own hearts and past experiences.

As with my own father, sometimes it becomes impossible to run to our daddies for refuge.  Home should be the safest place in the world and the arms of our parents an oasis.  That is what home is a foretaste of - life as a child of God.  Both Father and Mother, for He protects and nurtures like a mother hen and provides from His abundance like the king of his castle.  We are supposed to come to His house and put our feet up, feeling truly accepted and delighted in!

Yesterday this young woman I love so much told me that she is trying to find joy in a joyless situation.  My heart ached for the disappointment here on earth, but I know she is looking for the fountain of her sufficiency from a higher source.  Living water.  And her food - manna.  The Bread of Life.

Does this sound a little too frilly for you?  Not down to earth enough for a person in the throes of grinding loose the umbilical?  It shouldn't if you know my Father.  Come on home and let Him prepare a great feast for you.  He meets you at the door with His arms out, delighting in the warmth of your embrace and the joys of conversation with you.   Talking with Him will enlighten your perspective - shed some light on what is going on in your life.   Knock on the door.   The Light is always on.

Psalm 36 - No Fear

An oracle within my heart concerning the transgression of the wicked person:


There is no dread of God before their eyes, for in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to discover and hate his sin.  The words of his mouth are malicious and deceptive.  He has stopped acting wisely and doing good.  Even on his bed he makes malicious plans.  He sets himself on a path that is not good and does not reject evil.    (vs. 1 - 4)


I was talking to my husband yesterday about a young woman I know who used to attend a vibrant church in our community.  She went mostly, I think, because her mother did.  As she grew old enough to make the choice not to go any more, she also decided she was too smart for God.  She is really smart!  Intellectually superior to most.  And that is why she no longer believes there is a god.  If there were one, she would know it. Period.

On this level, rebellion against revering God seems innocuous.  A person makes a decision to "not" believe.  But how does that change a life?  Oh, she thinks the Bible is a neat little literary masterpiece.  Such a tight story for a myth.  But the God pronounced there is just a big old gray bearded granddaddy with a grudge.  And Jesus?  A great man - perhaps a prophet.  A compelling story, don't you think?

This made me wonder how my thinking and my feeling would be adjusted if that is how I perceived God.  First of all, there would be nothing to fear.  He was not gonna get me!  No rules except the ones I set for myself...and others.  Because I would expect them to obey my rules though they are not spelled out exactly for my acquaintances.  Since I would have set myself up as my own god, I am pretty certain this heart of mine would become proud.  I would walk with a swagger.  No one tells me what I can and cannot do.  At first this might not be so obvious.  I would have to get used to the freedom to do whatever I want without real regard for others.  Oh, I would never admit this, but when push came to shove, I would be looking out for number one because I love my god.

Down the line, I would find myself mired (I know me) in a complicated situation or two that I walked into out of my own hubris.  Only then, No One would be looking out for my best interest but me.  The only wisdom guiding my life is what life has taught me, so I will become cynical.  Driven by disappointment, I probably would stop doing the wise thing and glam onto expedience.

Ultimately, without my God, I know I would become simply a survivor.  Survivors do whatever it takes to live. Because they are the only important person in the ultimate scheme of things.  When I rejected my God in my rebellious heart, I set myself on a wholly different path.  Good and evil became relative.  And I got to define them.  The lines already cross in a confusing muddle sometimes.  Semantics would certainly help me.  What one would consider to be murder, I might think of only as convenience.  What some might think is a lie, I could justify as just not wanting to stir a pot.  I could steal with impunity because, since I am a god to myself, my sense of entitlement has no bounds.

Most of all, though, I answer to no One.  Free at last!  Free at last!  Because I have declared to the universe that there is no God!  No more sin....or talk of it.  No more lines drawn in the sand.  No heavenly granddaddy peering at me with searing eyes ready to wield His heavenly switch against my lily white legs as soon as I step wrong.  I can do whatever I want!  Woo-hoo!

If my heart does not become too heady with the freedom of my unbelief, I know there will come a day when  I will miss my God.  For when I lose Him, I lose His love, protection, wisdom, and purpose.  If He does not exist, I am aimless and without direction.  Oh, you say, I can be about doing good in this world without believing in the Christian God.  But works are not what I would miss.  I would miss Him.  I know there are people who have rejected the idea of God.  Rather than redefine Him, it is easier just to dismiss Him.  But I know He does not love me for my good works.  He loves me because I am a child He died to save.

That is why David entitled this an oracle from within his own heart.  Look!!!  This is what happens when you flatter yourself into thinking you are all there is.  The path is not good.  Because you walk it all alone.

Psalm 35 - Shalom on Easter

Let those be ashamed and humiliated altogether who rejoice at my distress.  Let those be clothed with shame and dishonor who magnify themselves over me.

Let them shout for joy and rejoice, who favor my vindication (justice), and let them say continually, "The Lord be magnified Who delights in the prosperity(shalom) of His servant."

And my tongue shall declare Your righteousness and Your praise all day long!


Shalom.  Peace be with you.  It is a blessing.  I never noticed until this morning that Jesus said this to his disciples on His first meetings with them after He rose from the dead.

That first evening the disciples locked themselves into someone's house for fear the Jews would come after them next.  Confused about the events of the day - a risen Jesus and an empty tomb beside which sat glowing angels  - the men holed up and wondered.  Can you imagine what these fearful men were saying to each other as they huddled together in that house? 

"What are we going to do now?  They are all saying we stole the body!"

"Yeah.  They won't believe a word we say.  Maybe we should get out of town."

"We can't do that.  The minute we leave this place we will be spotted."

Peter says nothing....having learned his lesson earlier.

Scared talk.  Stomachs churning.  Their relatively peaceful lives disrupted by a bloody death, an earthquake, a hasty burial and, now, a body which has disappeared.  Politically volatile Jerusalem is looking for answers.  The Jews want this whole thing quieted down...forgotten...or explained away.  The aura in the lockdown is fraught with anxiety. 

What were they in the midst of saying when Jesus appeared in the room?  I ask because He says:  "Shalom."  Peace be with you.  First thing.  "Come on, you guys!  Be at peace!"  Almost simultaneously Jesus shows them His wounds.  Holds out His hands and parts His garment to show them His side scarred by the knife blade that slit Him open. 

"Peace,"  Jesus said again.  "As the Father sent me, I am now sending you."  Then He breathed on them.  "Receive the Holy Spirit."   Now it is Peace In You.

Thomas wasn't there.  Doesn't believe the others.  "Unless I see what you saw....touch His wounds...you can forget my believing this stuff!"

Eight days later, Jesus, with no particular need of doors, stood in their midst again.  "Shalom."

Thomas is there this time.  Ooops!  Jesus looks at him first thing.  "Thomas.  Reach into this wound in my side.  Touch the scars on my hands!  Believe!"

Thomas on the floor, kneeling:  "My Lord and my God!"  Peace.  No more wrangling over the question of Who He is.

For all time we are now vindicated - justified.  Brought to peace, reconciled to our God by the work of Jesus on the cross.  Not warm and fuzzy peace.  Not "Peace out, man!"  Peace with God.  No longer separated from Him by our sin, we can live as those who have been brought to trial for our wrongs and set free by the Judge Who declares us to be vindicated.  Peacefully.  No more warring against Him.  No more condemnation.  No more worrying that we are loved.  No more bloody sacrifices - a daily pigeon or lamb to cover over our daily sins.  Peace.  Through the blood of a Lamb once for all - all people for all time.

That is what the angels meant when they declared from a starry night to the shepherds on the hillside:

"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace among men with whom He is well pleased."

The Great I AM came to dwell among men because He delights in peace with us.  Think about that.  The Lord of the universe wants to dwell with us in peace, and the only way He could actually accomplish that reconciliation was to pay for it Himself.  Once again it is the Holy God Who reached out first.  Pursued peace. 

Clothe yourself in the work of Easter.  Wear the garment of praise, turned from crimson to white by our Savior who says:  "Peace to you"  then shows you the scars on His body.

Psalm 35 - Aha! Aha!

Do not let my deceitful enemies rejoice over me.  Do not let those who hate me without cause look at me maliciously.  For they do not speak in friendly ways but contrive deceitful schemes against those who live peacefully in the land.  They open their mouths wide against me and say, "Aha! Aha!  We saw it!"

You saw it, Lord!  Do not be silent.  Lord, do not be far from me.  Wake up and rise to my defense, to my cause, my Lord and my God, in keeping with Your righteousness.  And do not let them rejoice over me.  Do not let them say in their hearts, "Aha!  Just what we wanted!"  Do not let them say, "We have swallowed him up!"

Let those who rejoice at my misfortune be disgraced and humiliated.  Let those who exalt themselves over me be clothed with shame and reproach.  (vs. 19-26)

As Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane the night of His arrest, His request of His Father was that the cup He knew He was born to drink be passed from Him.  Jesus was perfect.  Sinless.  Compassionate and powerful to heal, restore and forgive.  There was no reason why those who were plotting His death in that very moment should prosecute the Son of God.  Mad that He exposed their self-righteousness and intimidated by His grasp of holy things of which they were only minimal partakers, His Jewish brothers made false and malicious claims against Him.

"Aha!" they cried, fingers pointed at the Lamb.  "We saw Him doing miracles in the name of the devil and heard Him forgive people.  Aha!  We know He desecrated the Sabbath by healing on this holy day.  A wine sipper and a friend of prostitutes!  A blasphemer against the holy name of God.  He must die!"

The next day, Friday, the Lamb was sacrificed outside the city of Jerusalem.  On a hill with two criminals.  Beaten almost to death, spat upon and ridiculed, God Himself wore a crown of thorns as redeeming blood oozed from His mutilated body.  Above the head of Jesus was a sign:  KING OF THE JEWS.  Aha!  Look at that and laugh!  He thought He was the king of the Jews and He cannot even come down, Messiah-like, from the cross.

"Father!  Father!  Why have You forsaken Me?"  Look, My Father!  You see this!  Why are You silent?
Get up and do something!  But the Father looked away.  And Jesus bore it.  Our condemnation.  The ridicule we deserve as the soldiers at His feet gambled over His clothing.  As the rulers of the synagogue nodded their heads - Aha.  Thinking they had swallowed Him up.

The thing is, God, the Father, of course, did see!  He rose up when His Boy cried out:  "It is finished!"  The words His Abba was waiting to hear.  God stood up!  Shook the earth and turned out its lights!  Ripped the temple veil in two and all but destroyed the sphere His Son came to save. 

"Aha!"  God cried.  "I saw what you did!  But did you see what I came to do?  Are you watching now?  Give me until Sunday and you will eat your words!"

Two disciples run to the tomb because Mary had seen her Rabboni alive!  Peter careens into an empty burial site where only the resin-hardened grave clothes speak, like an empty cocoon, of only lately being vacated.  Jesus was not there! 

"Aha!" 

Has victory ever looked so sweet?  It is one thing to be saved from the cross.  It is quite another to be raised from the dead.  Bodily.  No joke.  How do you like Me now?  Religious leaders all in a dither.  Making up more lies in order to disguise the most amazing miracle of the Messiah's ministry.  "Say the disciples stole the body!  Say anything to make this go away!"

The Lamb now waits in heaven for the final vindication of His horrific death.  One day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.  Everywhere!  No one left out! 

"Aha!" all will cry out, though some will weep and wail.  "He was God!" 

See in heaven the Lamb, freshly come from his slaughter, approaching the throne of Yahweh, His Dad.  Angels are crying because there is no one worthy to accept from the hand of God the scroll sealed with seven seals. 

"Stop crying!  Look!" bellows one of the elders around the throne.  "The Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has been victorious so that He may open the scroll and its seven seals."

Then I saw One like a slaughtered lamb standing between the throne and the four living creatures and among the elders....When He took the scroll, the four living creatures and the 24 elders fell down before the Lamb...and they sang a new song:
"You are worthy to take the scroll and  open its seals because You were slaughtered and redeemed Your people for God by Your blood from every tribe and language and people and nation."

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels around the throne...their number was countless thousands, plus thousands of thousands.  They said with one voice:
"The Lamb Who was slaughtered is worthy to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing!"

I heard every creature in heaven, on earth, under the sea and everything in them say:
"Blessing and honor and glory and dominion to the One seated on the throne and to the Lamb, forever and ever!"

AHA!!!!!
                                      

Psalm 35 - Dining on Defamation

Malicious witnesses rise up.  They ask me of things that I do not know.  They repay me evil for good.  My soul is bereft.  But I, when they were sick - I wore sackcloth.  I afflicted myself with fasting.  I prayed with head bowed on my chest.  I went about as though I grieved for my friend or my brother - as one who laments his mother, I bowed down in mourning.

But at my stumbling they rejoiced and gathered.  They gathered together against me.  Wretches whom I did not know tore at me without ceasing.  Like profane mockers at a feast, they gnash at me with their teeth.

How long, O Lord, will You look on?  (vs 11-17)

The betrayal of a friend.  The devastating sickness in the pit of your stomach when you realize you are not loved as you have loved.  I know this feeling.  You probably do, too.  No better description than "my soul is bereft."  I had friends over whom I prayed and fasted.  Friends who shared my home on summer vacations year after year.  Women who know my deepest heart - good and bad.  One who shared those things with others, yet I did not end our friendship when I discovered it.  Cried when they cried.  Laughed when they laughed.  Prayed for their homes, their finances, their spiritual lives.  But when it came to me, not so much.  I have twice been left pretty much standing there with the sting of a black eye (not literal) while I was told all that is wrong with me......and there is plenty.  What do you do with that? 

I cried....a lot.  I am imperfect.  And was an imperfect friend.  But I did not deserve desertion.  A conversation.  Communication.  But not disconnect as though I am anathema.  So I know what David is feeling.  How can those for whom you would have given your life speak maliciously of you?  How did you not realize that the depth of friendship was only about what you give to the other person?  When you run out of meeting their needs, you are not worth much to them.  When you are weak, they side with the strong.  And you, like me, become more careful about who you pick for friends.

Not physically brought to trial with malicious witnesses asking loaded questions, those who have been betrayed still are not usually given the opportunity to answer to the gossip.  Others saying things that are either not true or have been brutally slanted.  Mouths used as weapons to strike the heart.  Like profane mockers at a feast, the greasy meat of chewing on another's reputation hanging from their teeth.  Dining on defamation with impunity.  And these the very people you fasted for in their time of need.  An ugly picture.

How long, Lord?  A fair question.  I don't want revenge.  But we all want rescue from such a scenario.  David's very life was at stake because the situation for him was people actually wanting to physically destroy him.  Dual pain.  They want his heart and soul.  And there seems to be nothing David can do to overcome the lies and hate.  Call on God.  He is the One Who understands what is fair and what isn't.  What David did right and what he did wrong in these friendships.  The taking and giving weighed in a Judge's balance.  Vengeance measured by the only One Who has that right.  David's life and reputation restored, lies revealed, mouths shut as God shut the mouths of the lions in Daniel's den. 

Personally, I could become jaded and say it is not worth it to love others too well.  Don't give too much.  But I have the most amazing friends in the world.  They have seen me through life, offered words of encouragement and correction, read my books and my thoughts, prayed for me when I was far away, spiritually and physically.  Reciprocal in love and spirit.  I am well loved. 

God is relational.  Intentionally.  And I am certain He is often grieved by our betrayal of His great love.  He is patient.  He is faithful even when we are faithless.  He IS love.  And He calls me to be like Him in this.  Not to carry offense but to trust that my God is working with me and all of His children to grow us up to be like Him.  To choose those with whom we remain friends and those we let go of.  He is looking on and is involved.  My job is to be a friend.  And sometimes that hurts.

Psalm 35 - Seeing What Isn't There

Let their road be dark and slippery as the angel of the Lord chases them.  For no reason they spread out their net to trap me.  For no reason they dug a pit for me.  So let ruin strike them suddenly.  Let them be caught in their own nets.  Let them fall into the pit and die.

Then I will rejoice in the Lord.  I will be happy when He saves me.  Even my bones will say, "Lord, who is like You?  You save the weak from the strong, the weak and the poor from robbers."

The king of Aram decided to make war with Israel and set up camp in a certain place to attack the Israeli army as it passed by.  The prophet, Elisha, heard of this and warned the king to go a different route.  When the king of Aram understood he had been outsmarted, he thought there was a mutiny in his troops.

"No," said one of his officers.  "It's Elisha, the prophet from Israel.  He can tell you what you do in your bedroom."

"Go and find him so I can send men to catch him!" ordered the king.

Turns out Elisha was in Dothan.  Immediately, the king sent horses, chariots and many troops to the city and they surrounded it at night.

When Elisha's servant awakened the next morning,  he was scared to death.  "Oh, my master, what are we going to do!" he screamed.

Yawning and stretching, Elisha replied, "Don't be scared.  The army fighting for us is much greater than the army the King of Aram has assembled."  To the Lord, Elisha prayed,  "Lord, open the eyes of my servant and let him see."

The mountain was covered in chariots of fire and horses - the army of God come to save them.  Angels on mounts, chariots in gear, just champing at the bit to destroy those who would destroy Elisha.

Don't think for a minute that your life is any different.  Angels on horses or in chariots ready to come to the rescue when we are overwhelmed.  We do not fight alone.  The enemy of our soul is chased down on a wet, slippery road and will eventually find himself forever in a pit of fire.  Such rejoicing when that finally happens!  The very creator of evil boiling for eternity.  A holocaust of his own invention.

In the meantime,  let us be as confident as Elisha, who I am certain got up to brush his teeth and don his tunic before dealing with the Arameans.  Not worried because he had eyes to see.  Confident that, until the day his God called him home, there was victory on earth because we are His children.  Angels encamp about us.  We are never alone.

Happy that He saved you?  Are even your old bones rejoicing?  Open your eyes and see....see the salvation of the Lord!

Psalm 35 - When God Goes Braveheart

Lord, battle with those who battle with me.  Fight against those who fight against me.  Pick up the shield and the armor.  Rise up and help me.  Lift up Your spears, both large and small, against those who chase me.  Tell me,  "I will save you."

Let those who seek to kill me be disgraced and humiliated.  Let those who seek to harm me be turned back and ashamed.  Let them be like chaff in the wind with the angel of the Lord driving them away.  (vs. 1-5)

We are at war, you know.  I hope you got up this morning and put your armor on one piece at a time.  You need a helmet, a breastplate, a belt, good running shoes, a sword and a shield.  You can put all your other clothes on over this, but if you are not walking around with the battle dress, watch out!  Your enemy is fierce.  He wants not only to kill you, he wants your total destruction! 

Like every good soldier, you have a Commander.  The battle is ultimately His to win or lose.  You must be ready.  He must know the strategy and have your best interest, as well as the victory plan, at heart.  Every battle plan would break down if the soldiers decided to win it alone or fight in opposition to the General.  Here is the powerful thing about being in God's army, though.  Sometimes we just have to say,  "This one is too big for me.  Fight for me, my God!" 

Laid low, chased into a corner, outsmarted and out-chased.  Heart racing, sweat pouring, legs buckled, out of steam.  We need a Savior.  The battle is the Lord's to finish. 

I was thanking the Lord of Hosts last week during one of my beach walks that He saved me when I could see no way out.  I had definitely strayed from the battlefield - wandered off into enemy territory.  In fact, unlike Hansel and Gretel,  I had not even left a bread trail back.  A POW of the enemy of my soul.  Could not even conceive how I could be freed.  Just a hope that it was possible.  Crying out for a turn of the key that would open my prison door ajar to let the light come in.  A ray of hope.  Oh, I love my God.  Despite the fact that I was captured because of my own wandering away, He came, dressed in the glory that is His coat of maille, down into my prison and walked me out.  I had left my armor somewhere in the dark and my body was covered with the muck of my incarceration.  He did not seem to notice, for He took my hand and trained it for war again. 

Hear a portion of Joshua's farewell address to the children of Israel in the Promised Land:

"I am old, getting on in years, and you have seen for yourselves everything the Lord your God did to all these nations on your account, because it was the Lord, your God, Who was fighting for you...Be very strong and courageous and continue obeying all that is written in the book of the law of Moses so that you do not turn to the right or to the left.  Do not call on the names of other gods or make oaths to them.  Do not worship them or bow down to them...The Lord has driven out great and powerful nations before you, and no one is able to stand against you this day.  One of you routed a thousand because the Lord your God was fighting for you, as He promised.  So be very diligent to love the Lord you God for your own well-being."  Joshua 23

Feel better now?  I do.  The General of the army I joined stands up with big and small spears, His maille clanking as He steps forward to rout the enemy.  He has been known to send hail out of a clear blue sky, or angels to confuse an army so completely that it runs away and leaves a campsite full of loot.  An entire Egyptian army lost the wheels from their chariots for no good reason.  Frogs and bloody waters,  earthquakes and clouds - all are at His command.  He will do whatever it takes to save His troops.  Including dying in their place.  Routing the last enemy - death.

So stand tall, mighty warrior.  Like Gideon, we are abashed to be called such in our pitiful state.  But our Mighty God sees us differently, arms us for the war we were born to fight, and calls us into victory!

Psalm 118 - It Wasn't What They Thought

God bless the One who comes in the name of the Lord.  We bless all of you from the Temple of the Lord.  The Lord is God, and He has shown kindness to us.  Bind the festival sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.   (vs. 26-27)

Can you see Him, Jesus, riding across a donkey and her colt?  He is coming into Jerusalem in the week before His death.  "Hosanna!"  the people are shouting as they wave palm branches in the air or lay them, along with their coats, on the path in front of Him.  "Hosanna!  Bring salvation now!" 

Cannot help but think what was in our Savior's heart, because He knew the salvation He was bringing did not look the way they thought it would.  They wanted a warrior.  A new King David!  Only mightier.  The Messiah was to bring political change - radical and swift.  But Jesus was a Lamb.  To be bloodied on the brazen altar.  Sacrifices were never bound to the altar.  But He was.  He understood the words of David, His earthly grandparent, several times removed.  For in a short week, this Messiah would be nailed to a tree, stripped and bloody, dripping God-blood onto the earth He spoke into being.

That was not the end, of course, for the divine conspiracy was to liberate us one man and woman at a time.  He made the first triumphal entry so that He could make the second....into us.  However, just like the first time, it is not always what we expect.  Jesus climbed down from the donkey and her colt and ripped the Temple up!  Threw out what was evil.  Made it clean.  Turned it upside down so His Father could live in it.  A holy God wants a holy tabernacle.  So it should not have been so surprising when He jettisoned my pride and selfishness, humbled me by pouring mercy on my former defamation of His new temple - me.  Because He loves this temple.  Understands what it means for the Holy Spirit to inhabit it as the glory of the Father.  Should we not expect, then, for Him to defend it yet? 

They did not know, the Israelites crying out for salvation now, that it was there!  Bound to a tree as if to the horns of the sacrificial altar.  It did not look like victory.  No Jesus beating His chest and screaming, Braveheart-like, in primal preeminence.  The victory was in the death.  Just as it is with those of us who love Him for it.  We die so He can live.  We trade the unholy sanctuary of Satan for the Temple of the Living God.  When He enters in triumph, we lose the empty joys of selling our souls to the vendors of this world.  But we gain a tabernacle filled with light, cleaned out and set in order.  Made holy to the Lord.

The followers went and did as Jesus told them to.  They brought the donkey and the colt and laid their coats on them, and Jesus sat on them.  Many people spread their coats on the road.  Others cut palm branches from the trees and spread them on the road.  The people were walking ahead of and behind Jesus saying:  "Praise to the Son of David!  God bless the One Who comes in the name of the Lord!  Hosanna to the God of heaven!"  Matthew 21