Each of my three children has, upon reaching a fair degree of maturity, expressed how disappointing becoming an adult is. There is just so much one has to do. Get a job, pay for groceries, come up with rent, deal with banks, and keep up with car insurance and gas. Added to that mix is all the other complications of daily life, like marriage and family. I think, though, most esoteric of all are the times when we are left alone to understand what God is doing with us. He is our Father and has our lives on their own paths, so even family cannot fight our individual battles for us though they may be praying.
I have had some mountains to climb...and reclimb. In 1985, I had a train wreck of circumstances that escalated to such a cataclysm that I could not see out over the rubble. A confluence of bad things happening that left me doubting God's love for me. I did ask with David: "How long will I have sorrow in my heart all day long? (vs.2) I lost weight. Lost hope. Lost my way. The light was gone from my eyes. Stumbling in the dark, I despaired.
The prayer in desperate times is also David's: "Consider and answer me, O Lord, My God. Enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death." Answer me or I will simply die! Or, as I cried out over and over again, "What are You doing?"
During this time of great anxiety, I lay on my carpet face down and surrendered as best I could my situation to God. Early one morning I remember receiving such devastating news that my life felt as though it would fall like a tower built of blocks when the last block on top makes the others crash to the floor. Just one thing too much. My daughter saw me crumbled and pleading on the floor of my closet. We prayed together and she left for work. As I heard her car drive away, I remember pleading with my Father: "Please just show me what is going on! If I only knew what You are doing, I could go forward." Enlighten my eyes.....
A few minutes later, my daughter called me from her car. "Mom, I don't usually function in this gift, but I think God has a word for you."
I cut off her stuttering, so desperate was I to hear from the God I had just begged to give me understanding. "Just tell me what He said! I was just now asking Him to tell me what He is doing."
Taken aback, my daughter took a deep breath, hoping her word was His word. "Well, Mom," she began. "He said you are in the lion's den, but don't be afraid because He has shut the mouths of the lions."
That was it!!!! Enlightenment! Okay. I was in a lion's den. Made a lot of sense because that is exactly what it felt like. And don't be fearful. Then I could, in my mind's eye, see those ferocious beasts before me. Only they had backed away. So, I spoke to them. Because I knew what to say. "Your mouths are shut. You cannot hurt me! So stay back!"
I know this sounds rather radical. But, something came over me in that moment. A new strength. I prayed as I had not in months. Over everything and everyone. I was going to be more than all right because my Father showed me in the spirit what was manifesting on the planet.
Some weeks later, when on a missionary trip to Cambodia, I was hit by an errant driver of a motor scooter. His red vehicle screamed around a corner and ran into my left calf, lifting my body from the ground and slamming me to the hard dirt road with a crash that bruised my left side and clunked my head to the ground. By the time I reached a nearby ice cream shop where the rest of the missionary team was slurping cones, my leg had a bruise the size of a golf ball rising up on it. We iced it down and went on to the next orphanage.
A good friend rode with me in the tuk tuk. She grabbed my hand and said: "You know, back there when the scooter hit you? I did not see a scooter, I saw a lion. He grabbed at you but couldn't quite get you, only knocked you down."
Hmmm. She did not know what my Father had shown me a few weeks earlier. But lest I forgot the word He had spoken, He reminded me through my friend that He was aware.
Day after day, I saw the enemy defeated in his efforts to destroy me. One thing after another worked out for my good, though it was not all at once. However, the peace of having my eyes enlightened to what was happening gave me the courage to walk into each new day knowing that my God wins in the end. And if He wins, I win!
I have had some mountains to climb...and reclimb. In 1985, I had a train wreck of circumstances that escalated to such a cataclysm that I could not see out over the rubble. A confluence of bad things happening that left me doubting God's love for me. I did ask with David: "How long will I have sorrow in my heart all day long? (vs.2) I lost weight. Lost hope. Lost my way. The light was gone from my eyes. Stumbling in the dark, I despaired.
The prayer in desperate times is also David's: "Consider and answer me, O Lord, My God. Enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death." Answer me or I will simply die! Or, as I cried out over and over again, "What are You doing?"
During this time of great anxiety, I lay on my carpet face down and surrendered as best I could my situation to God. Early one morning I remember receiving such devastating news that my life felt as though it would fall like a tower built of blocks when the last block on top makes the others crash to the floor. Just one thing too much. My daughter saw me crumbled and pleading on the floor of my closet. We prayed together and she left for work. As I heard her car drive away, I remember pleading with my Father: "Please just show me what is going on! If I only knew what You are doing, I could go forward." Enlighten my eyes.....
A few minutes later, my daughter called me from her car. "Mom, I don't usually function in this gift, but I think God has a word for you."
I cut off her stuttering, so desperate was I to hear from the God I had just begged to give me understanding. "Just tell me what He said! I was just now asking Him to tell me what He is doing."
Taken aback, my daughter took a deep breath, hoping her word was His word. "Well, Mom," she began. "He said you are in the lion's den, but don't be afraid because He has shut the mouths of the lions."
That was it!!!! Enlightenment! Okay. I was in a lion's den. Made a lot of sense because that is exactly what it felt like. And don't be fearful. Then I could, in my mind's eye, see those ferocious beasts before me. Only they had backed away. So, I spoke to them. Because I knew what to say. "Your mouths are shut. You cannot hurt me! So stay back!"
I know this sounds rather radical. But, something came over me in that moment. A new strength. I prayed as I had not in months. Over everything and everyone. I was going to be more than all right because my Father showed me in the spirit what was manifesting on the planet.
Some weeks later, when on a missionary trip to Cambodia, I was hit by an errant driver of a motor scooter. His red vehicle screamed around a corner and ran into my left calf, lifting my body from the ground and slamming me to the hard dirt road with a crash that bruised my left side and clunked my head to the ground. By the time I reached a nearby ice cream shop where the rest of the missionary team was slurping cones, my leg had a bruise the size of a golf ball rising up on it. We iced it down and went on to the next orphanage.
A good friend rode with me in the tuk tuk. She grabbed my hand and said: "You know, back there when the scooter hit you? I did not see a scooter, I saw a lion. He grabbed at you but couldn't quite get you, only knocked you down."
Hmmm. She did not know what my Father had shown me a few weeks earlier. But lest I forgot the word He had spoken, He reminded me through my friend that He was aware.
Day after day, I saw the enemy defeated in his efforts to destroy me. One thing after another worked out for my good, though it was not all at once. However, the peace of having my eyes enlightened to what was happening gave me the courage to walk into each new day knowing that my God wins in the end. And if He wins, I win!
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