O Lord, rebuke me not in Your anger, nor discipline me in Your wrath! For Your arrows have sunk into me, and Your hand has come down on me.
There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your indignation. There is no health in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have gone over my head. Like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me. (vs. 1-4)
I read this song of David yesterday and have struggled with it since. It is to be sung as a song of remembrance. My first thought when I woke today was, Lord, what does this psalm mean? David is lamenting that his sin against God brought on a sickness so despicable that his friends would not even come near him. The sores on his body stink with the puss festering in them. David is a pariah because God is mad at him. Hmmm.
The commentary I reviewed suggested this disease came upon David after the sin of killing Uriah to cover Bathsheba's pregnancy. Then lying to man and God about it. Grievous, no doubt. The question, of course, is Does God inflict us with disease as punishment for sin? This was my struggle in the night.
My mother was dying with colon cancer. The idea of festering sores and a giant tumor eating away at her body from the inside out is in keeping with the health problems David faced. The whites of Mother's eyes were turning saffron yellow and her body shrinking away as my cousin from Ohio came to visit. A well-meaning Christian, she visited Mother for the express purpose of confronting her on the nature of the sins that had brought Mother to this devastating death. Hurt on hurt. Crushing condemnation poured onto desiccating pain. Added to this is what I know of people struggling with cancer. I have had several friends die of the disease and have had them all ask me the same question: What did I do to make God so mad? Is this because of my sin?
I cannot answer that question except to say that our sin, after the death of our Savior, is paid for already. This psalm is a memorial psalm that hearkens to Leviticus 2 and the memorial offering. It was a "most holy offering" to remind God that the sinner has offered on the altar "crushed grain." David is crushed here. Perhaps as a memorial offering himself to God. The crushing was of his own making, however. So, he understands the disease he is dealing with to be a direct response of God to David's own foolishness. God had somehow communicated to David that He was punishing him.
Overcome with the idea that God is so mad at him that He shoots David with arrows, His beloved child, who sought the very heart of God, is laid low crying out for his God to not be angry at him when He disciplines him! Shoot me with arrows! Rebuke me strongly! But please don't turn away in anger! The weight of sin and guilt buried David in condemnation too heavy for him to bear. It is this weight that is more devastating to him than the disease. The reason for the sickness is more upsetting than the disease itself.
I am wondering what caused the malady to get to the place that David has festering sores all over him. Perhaps when the sore was only a bump, an irritation calling him to repentance, he should have called out for mercy. But life went on as normal and the need to deal with his sin was buried as a seed somewhere in his soul. He was, after all, the king and very busy. His sin had not yet caught up to him. But the sore grew larger and more painful as did the guilt of his sin. His Father would not let him hide it forever. The pain in his body awoke the pain in his soul, and David cried out! To save His relationship with his child the Father had to nearly kill the kid! And that is mercy not wrath.
I believe God will be as gentle as we let Him to drive us to His heart. Of course, not all fatal disease is related to our own personal sins. What is clear to me from this song of a sinner is that God will let us know if that is how He decides to confront our sin. We will not need a judgmental "other" to lay on us what God did not.
There is no soundness in my flesh because of Your indignation. There is no health in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have gone over my head. Like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me. (vs. 1-4)
I read this song of David yesterday and have struggled with it since. It is to be sung as a song of remembrance. My first thought when I woke today was, Lord, what does this psalm mean? David is lamenting that his sin against God brought on a sickness so despicable that his friends would not even come near him. The sores on his body stink with the puss festering in them. David is a pariah because God is mad at him. Hmmm.
The commentary I reviewed suggested this disease came upon David after the sin of killing Uriah to cover Bathsheba's pregnancy. Then lying to man and God about it. Grievous, no doubt. The question, of course, is Does God inflict us with disease as punishment for sin? This was my struggle in the night.
My mother was dying with colon cancer. The idea of festering sores and a giant tumor eating away at her body from the inside out is in keeping with the health problems David faced. The whites of Mother's eyes were turning saffron yellow and her body shrinking away as my cousin from Ohio came to visit. A well-meaning Christian, she visited Mother for the express purpose of confronting her on the nature of the sins that had brought Mother to this devastating death. Hurt on hurt. Crushing condemnation poured onto desiccating pain. Added to this is what I know of people struggling with cancer. I have had several friends die of the disease and have had them all ask me the same question: What did I do to make God so mad? Is this because of my sin?
I cannot answer that question except to say that our sin, after the death of our Savior, is paid for already. This psalm is a memorial psalm that hearkens to Leviticus 2 and the memorial offering. It was a "most holy offering" to remind God that the sinner has offered on the altar "crushed grain." David is crushed here. Perhaps as a memorial offering himself to God. The crushing was of his own making, however. So, he understands the disease he is dealing with to be a direct response of God to David's own foolishness. God had somehow communicated to David that He was punishing him.
Overcome with the idea that God is so mad at him that He shoots David with arrows, His beloved child, who sought the very heart of God, is laid low crying out for his God to not be angry at him when He disciplines him! Shoot me with arrows! Rebuke me strongly! But please don't turn away in anger! The weight of sin and guilt buried David in condemnation too heavy for him to bear. It is this weight that is more devastating to him than the disease. The reason for the sickness is more upsetting than the disease itself.
I am wondering what caused the malady to get to the place that David has festering sores all over him. Perhaps when the sore was only a bump, an irritation calling him to repentance, he should have called out for mercy. But life went on as normal and the need to deal with his sin was buried as a seed somewhere in his soul. He was, after all, the king and very busy. His sin had not yet caught up to him. But the sore grew larger and more painful as did the guilt of his sin. His Father would not let him hide it forever. The pain in his body awoke the pain in his soul, and David cried out! To save His relationship with his child the Father had to nearly kill the kid! And that is mercy not wrath.
I believe God will be as gentle as we let Him to drive us to His heart. Of course, not all fatal disease is related to our own personal sins. What is clear to me from this song of a sinner is that God will let us know if that is how He decides to confront our sin. We will not need a judgmental "other" to lay on us what God did not.
No comments:
Post a Comment